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This Time It's Personal

by Zaq Baker

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1.
20 Elephants 05:19
I spend so much time wishing you would talk directly and not just assume that all your codes are going through I spend so much energy wishing that you would direct me into doing what you want me, desperately, to do there’s 20 elephants in every room of this house there’s 50 million things that no one is willing to talk about Why don’t you tell me what you need to tell me? Why don’t you tell me what you need to tell me? Why don’t you tell me what you need to tell me? how come I always hear from somebody else the way you really feel about the things I choose to do? how come I never see the words leaving your mouth? all I ever get is a reflection of the truth [chorus + postchorus] oooo is honesty that scary -- or is it you you fear? you know you can be genuine with everybody here we need to be more open -- ’cause what are we if not? the family collapses and just stops [chorus + postchorus] [inc. bridge]
2.
it’s obvious that you’re leaving me you’ve got your boxes stacked on my floor got no intention of seeing me you’re taking one last look out my door on and on and on as you will leave no time to say goodbye come on, come on and give me one last look before you leave me, too I gave you every night that I had you gave me most, as I remember you fixed the broken parts of me I took you in and gave you shelter on and on and on And you will leave no trace except your keys, come on, come on and give me one last look before you leave me, too oooo tomorrow someone will draw the blinds and that person will not be you you left the house that loved you most and now there’s no reason I’ll ever see you on and on and on and you will leave a mark with memories come on, come on and give me one last look before you leave me, too
3.
we’re sitting in a park a couple feet apart nothing to do but talk until we feel a spark I’ve heard there’s a lot of good shows lately I had a couple plans for the year but they got dashed it’s crazy to me how it happened so fast I still try not to get angry you ask me what I would do if we were living in a different universe I think I’ve got your answer, here I asked respectfully if you’d imagined how things could get worse than living in between years so what TV have you been watching while our country falls apart? a remedy to keep you waiting, while we’re scraping in the dark to find ourselves rock bottom mental health I lost my sense of self nothing anybody else could do to help still, we tried to do our best you’re living with your folks that used to be a joke til everyone got fired and now we feel the smoke rising like the plumes throughout the West so what TV have you been streaming while our country falls apart? a remedy to keep you dreaming, while we’re screaming in the dark to find ourselves everyone's exhausted from holding so tightly for so long and all the facets of fear everyone’s depleted from holding on and on and on and living in between years so tell me -- are you ready for it? for our country to fall apart? going up and red and black and orange, while we forage in the dark to find ourselves can anybody help? and that unnatural blue glare signals waving in air gave proof through the night that some hope was still there but I'm sick I'm sick of living I'm sick of living in between years
4.
I Am a Weed 04:16
if I live past 26, I’ll see there’s something more important in life than that next fix that the world’s got more to give and that there’s something even bigger than what other people think although I can’t imagine what that would be and I’m so wrapped up in me, lately people tell me that I’m immature that’s not something that I’m sorry for I’ve got a loud and demanding heart and there’s more more I am a weed I can’t grow without destroying everything around me so is it worth it to black out the sun? and escape (2. withdraw) (3. not make peace) from everyone defined by tension within myself starved for recognition from everybody else desperate to be happy, but imagine what that would mean ’cause as the future gets brighter and brighter the ceiling gets higher and higher while the darkness swirls in eddies all around me me [chorus] I don’t wanna wanna, I don’t wanna wanna be at war with all my family and my friends I don’t wanna wanna, I don’t wanna wanna know where every speck of dust will settle when this ends I don’t wanna wanna, I don’t wanna wanna let the radiation from myself Impact their mental health ’cause I am a lost cause I am a lost cause I am a lost cause I’m lost to the cause [chorus] ’cause as the future gets brighter and brighter I’m fighting compassion with fire And the flames are getting higher and higher and higher While the darkness swirls in eddies all around me me me me
5.
can you be timeless -- and still be new? can you make somebody feel something when you share a part of you? can you be ageless -- and still mean something? we swore we won’t stay up late anymore, but we stayed up all night talking you’ve got your damage I’ve got my damage, too we swore that we’d protect ourselves and preserve our hearts but I still smile at the thought of you you you need to be yourself and you like being yourself more when you’re with me than anybody else anybody else can you be reckless — and still stay safe? you’ve shown me pieces of your heart that no one can replace and I see your necklace on the bedside table next to me I love the way you adorn yourself and you bring out the best in me [chorus] we need to be ourselves and we like being ourselves more together than with anybody else anybody else bouncing off each other for years like stripes and solids, really the universe couldn't keep us apart like Meg Ryan and Billy none of it had anything to do with you or us and it makes you wonder if desire and empathy could lead to trust you’ve got your habits I’ve got my habits, too it kills to want this so earnestly and not know if we should see it through through [full chorus]
6.
Chiaroscuro 04:18
if I had one scrap of confidence, my world would be a different place but you can tell I don’t believe in myself it’s written all over my face this world is cruel and competitive and only the strong survive so I’ll wind up dead still stuck in my head waiting for my ship to arrive (’cause) lately -- I feel like there’s a hole inside me like I’m deficient and everybody knows recently -- I see my life has been a story it’s headed nowhere and everybody knows protect my innocence like a virgin in a psych ward for the very first time dissect these stacks of hurt and words like surgeon I’ll ease your pain if I can translate mine don’t ever wish you were someone else? [chorus] is there a reason for suffering? is there a reason we’re here at all? sometimes I feel nothing and sometimes I feel it all [chorus] it’s headed nowhere and everybody knows it’s headed nowhere and everybody knows it’s headed nowhere and everybody knows I often wish I was someone else
7.
so you got burned, burned, burned you put your heart in two places, your heart in two places can’t you learn, learn learn it don’t feel all that amazing cause you can’t replace how you felt then the human heart is not a puzzle with temporary pieces took you too long to find has your mental rental caused you trouble? when you’ve overpromised leases across your mind ’cause other people aren’t symbols that are there to help you grow they’ve got their battles that aren’t simple when your signals come and go I know... I know so you got burned, burned, burned you put your heart in two places, your heart in two places can’t you turn, turn turn from how good you think the chase is cause you can’t replace how you felt then and you can’t try and pretend [vocalizing] the human heart is not a horcrux where you leave yourself inside you’ll leave your lovers feeling empty when you let your soul divide I know... I know you say you’ve got your demons -- we’ve got our demons, too well, god, I need a cigarette -- for everything that i’ve been through you say you’ve got your baggage -- we’ve got our baggage, too well, god, I need a Gatorade -- for everything i’ve been through you say you’ve got your demons -- no ghosts left on your side well, that's still no excuse to treat everyone so unkind don't forget we’ve got our baggage, too so we'll rewrite the narrative for everything that we've been through
8.
I have got a hopeless crush -- and maybe it don’t mean that much but I’ve been thinking that it does it does I dream about them constantly -- and every possibility the way they move’s distracting me, because... I’m done with always leaning — and needing someone to believe in but maybe that someone has appeared I believe in believing and I know looks can be deceiving but things look pretty good from way up here oooo, things’ll get better when they’re around the sun will shine when they show up the joy they bring might be enough to give the happiness I’ve wanted desperately I’ll smile when they walk through the door and tell them I’ve been waiting for the person strong enough to restore the confidence I need I’m done with always leaning — and needing someone to believe in but maybe that someone has appeared I guess that I’m not seeing what everybody else is seeming to have before their eyes, but I don’t care and maybe the person that I have always leaned on was here in the same room, holding my hand all along and maybe that person’s finally coming into view and maybe that person is the person I’m growing into I’m done with always leaning -- and needing someone to believe in but maybe that someone has appeared I’m making my own meaning I’m wide awake, but I’m still dreaming and things look pretty good from way up here oooo, things’ll get better when they’re around

about

Hopefully the title says it all: This Time It’s Personal is marked by Zaq’s signature lyrical playfulness and depth. The eight-song record is stripped to grand piano, a full strings ensemble, performed by Jillian Rae, and intimate vocals. The new album serves as an “exhale” to Zaq’s two expansive recent albums, Cardio (released Dec. 2020) and Maddie’s Delivery Service (released Feb. 2021), which each feature a full pop-punk outfit alongside grand piano, strings, harmonies and guest vocals.

credits

released February 4, 2022

Strings ensemble: Jillian Rae
Strings engineering: Eric Martin
Vocals and grand piano engineering; mix; master: Rob Genadek

Vocals and grand piano by Zaq Baker; all songs written by Zaq Baker

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about

Zaq Baker Minneapolis, Minnesota

Once described by a graphic designer as “really whiny” and by a Twin Cities local as “like the male Taylor Swift," Zaq’s melody candy recounts heartbreak and mental health with grand piano at the center and a full pop/rock/emo pit orchestra. Showtunes, emo revival, and bright, accessible, forthright lyrics form the backdrop for a unique, relatable collection. New album out February 4th!!!!! ... more

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