1. |
20 Elephants
05:19
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I spend so much time
wishing you would talk directly
and not just assume that all your codes are going through
I spend so much energy
wishing that you would direct me
into doing what you want me, desperately, to do
there’s 20 elephants in every room of this house
there’s 50 million things that no one is willing to talk about
Why don’t you tell me what you need to tell me?
Why don’t you tell me what you need to tell me?
Why don’t you tell me what you need to tell me?
how come I always hear
from somebody else
the way you really feel about the things I choose to do?
how come I never see
the words leaving your mouth?
all I ever get is a reflection of the truth
[chorus + postchorus]
oooo
is honesty that scary -- or is it you you fear?
you know you can be genuine with everybody here
we need to be more open -- ’cause what are we if not?
the family collapses and just stops
[chorus + postchorus] [inc. bridge]
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2. |
The Lease You Could Do
03:01
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it’s obvious that you’re leaving me
you’ve got your boxes stacked on my floor
got no intention of seeing me
you’re taking one last look out my door
on and on and on
as you will leave no time to say goodbye
come on, come on
and give me one last look before you leave me, too
I gave you every night that I had
you gave me most, as I remember
you fixed the broken parts of me
I took you in and gave you shelter
on and on and on
And you will leave no trace except your keys,
come on, come on
and give me one last look before you leave me, too
oooo
tomorrow someone will draw the blinds
and that person will not be you
you left the house that loved you most
and now there’s no reason I’ll ever see you
on and on and on
and you will leave a mark with memories
come on, come on
and give me one last look before you leave me, too
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3. |
In Between Years
04:33
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we’re sitting in a park
a couple feet apart
nothing to do but talk until we feel a spark
I’ve heard there’s a lot of good shows lately
I had a couple plans
for the year but they got dashed
it’s crazy to me how it happened so fast
I still try not to get angry
you ask me what I would do if we were living in a different universe
I think I’ve got your answer, here
I asked respectfully if you’d imagined how things could get worse
than living in between years
so what TV have you been watching while our country falls apart?
a remedy to keep you waiting, while we’re scraping in the dark to find ourselves
rock bottom mental health
I lost my sense of self
nothing anybody else could do to help
still, we tried to do our best
you’re living with your folks
that used to be a joke
til everyone got fired and now we feel the smoke
rising like the plumes throughout the West
so what TV have you been streaming while our country falls apart?
a remedy to keep you dreaming, while we’re screaming in the dark to find ourselves
everyone's exhausted from holding so tightly for so long
and all the facets of fear
everyone’s depleted from holding on and on and on
and living in between years
so tell me -- are you ready for it?
for our country to fall apart?
going up and red and black and orange, while we forage in the dark to find ourselves
can anybody help?
and that unnatural blue glare
signals waving in air
gave proof through the night
that some hope was still there
but I'm sick
I'm sick of living
I'm sick of living in between years
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4. |
I Am a Weed
04:16
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if I live past 26, I’ll see there’s something more important in life than that next fix
that the world’s got more to give
and that there’s something even bigger than what other people think
although I can’t imagine what that would be
and I’m so wrapped up in me, lately
people tell me that I’m immature
that’s not something that I’m sorry for
I’ve got a loud and demanding heart and there’s more
more
I am a weed
I can’t grow without destroying everything around me
so is it worth it to black out the sun?
and escape (2. withdraw) (3. not make peace) from everyone
defined by tension within myself
starved for recognition from everybody else
desperate to be happy, but imagine what that would mean
’cause as the future gets brighter and brighter
the ceiling gets higher and higher
while the darkness swirls in eddies all around me
me
[chorus]
I don’t wanna wanna, I don’t wanna wanna be at war with all my family and my friends
I don’t wanna wanna, I don’t wanna wanna know where every speck of dust will settle when this ends
I don’t wanna wanna, I don’t wanna wanna let the radiation from myself
Impact their mental health
’cause I am a lost cause
I am a lost cause
I am a lost cause
I’m lost to the cause
[chorus]
’cause as the future gets brighter and brighter
I’m fighting compassion with fire
And the flames are getting higher and higher
and higher
While the darkness swirls in eddies all around me
me
me
me
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5. |
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can you be timeless -- and still be new?
can you make somebody feel something when you share a part of you?
can you be ageless -- and still mean something?
we swore we won’t stay up late anymore, but we stayed up all night talking
you’ve got your damage
I’ve got my damage, too
we swore that we’d protect ourselves and preserve our hearts
but I still smile at the thought of you
you
you need to be yourself
and you like being yourself more when you’re with me than anybody else
anybody else
can you be reckless — and still stay safe?
you’ve shown me pieces of your heart that no one can replace
and I see your necklace
on the bedside table next to me
I love the way you adorn yourself and you bring out the best in me
[chorus]
we need to be ourselves
and we like being ourselves more together than with anybody else
anybody else
bouncing off each other for years like stripes and solids, really
the universe couldn't keep us apart like Meg Ryan and Billy
none of it had anything to do with you or us
and it makes you wonder if desire and empathy could lead to trust
you’ve got your habits
I’ve got my habits, too
it kills to want this so earnestly and not know if we should see it through
through
[full chorus]
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6. |
Chiaroscuro
04:18
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if I had one scrap of confidence,
my world would be a different place
but you can tell I don’t believe in myself
it’s written all over my face
this world is cruel and competitive
and only the strong survive
so I’ll wind up dead still stuck in my head
waiting for my ship to arrive
(’cause) lately -- I feel like there’s a hole inside me
like I’m deficient and everybody knows
recently -- I see my life has been a story
it’s headed nowhere and everybody knows
protect my innocence like a virgin
in a psych ward for the very first time
dissect these stacks of hurt and words like surgeon
I’ll ease your pain if I can translate mine
don’t ever wish you were someone else?
[chorus]
is there a reason for suffering?
is there a reason we’re here at all?
sometimes I feel nothing
and sometimes I feel it all
[chorus]
it’s headed nowhere and everybody knows
it’s headed nowhere and everybody knows
it’s headed nowhere and everybody knows
I often wish I was someone else
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7. |
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so you got burned, burned, burned
you put your heart in two places, your heart in two places
can’t you learn, learn learn
it don’t feel all that amazing
cause you can’t replace how you felt then
the human heart is not a puzzle
with temporary pieces
took you too long to find
has your mental rental caused you trouble?
when you’ve overpromised leases
across your mind
’cause other people aren’t symbols
that are there to help you grow
they’ve got their battles that aren’t simple
when your signals come and go
I know... I know
so you got burned, burned, burned
you put your heart in two places, your heart in two places
can’t you turn, turn turn
from how good you think the chase is
cause you can’t replace how you felt then
and you can’t try and pretend
[vocalizing]
the human heart is not a horcrux
where you leave yourself inside
you’ll leave your lovers feeling empty
when you let your soul divide
I know... I know
you say you’ve got your demons -- we’ve got our demons, too
well, god, I need a cigarette -- for everything that i’ve been through
you say you’ve got your baggage -- we’ve got our baggage, too
well, god, I need a Gatorade -- for everything i’ve been through
you say you’ve got your demons -- no ghosts left on your side
well, that's still no excuse to treat everyone so unkind
don't forget we’ve got our baggage, too
so we'll rewrite the narrative
for everything that we've been through
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8. |
Someone to Believe In
04:56
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I have got a hopeless crush -- and maybe it don’t mean that much
but I’ve been thinking that it does
it does
I dream about them constantly -- and every possibility
the way they move’s distracting me, because...
I’m done with always leaning — and needing someone to believe in
but maybe that someone has appeared
I believe in believing
and I know looks can be deceiving
but things look pretty good from way up here
oooo,
things’ll get better when they’re around
the sun will shine when they show up
the joy they bring might be enough
to give the happiness I’ve wanted desperately
I’ll smile when they walk through the door
and tell them I’ve been waiting for
the person strong enough to restore the confidence I need
I’m done with always leaning — and needing someone to believe in
but maybe that someone has appeared
I guess that I’m not seeing what everybody else is seeming
to have before their eyes, but I don’t care
and maybe the person that I have always leaned on
was here in the same room, holding my hand all along
and maybe that person’s finally coming into view
and maybe that person is the person I’m growing into
I’m done with always leaning -- and needing someone to believe in
but maybe that someone has appeared
I’m making my own meaning
I’m wide awake, but I’m still dreaming
and things look pretty good from way up here
oooo,
things’ll get better when they’re around
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Zaq Baker Minneapolis, Minnesota
Once described by a graphic designer as “really whiny” and by a Twin Cities local as “like the male Taylor Swift," Zaq’s melody candy recounts heartbreak and mental health with grand piano at the center and a full pop/rock/emo pit orchestra. Showtunes, emo revival, and bright, accessible, forthright lyrics form the backdrop for a unique, relatable collection. New album out February 4th!!!!! ... more
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